Alone on a valentine evening, outside I saw the rain is pouring. Inside I’m slowly dying but the rain had hid my crying. The emptiness in this room is overwhelming. Or is it the really the room? The silence all too loud. With a simple “fuck you! Who took away our rights as singles to have a great time on valentine’s night?” and off I go to the nearest bistro.
All I ever wanted was to flush down a couple of beers and to embrace my emo-ness with some really depressing songs from the 70s. The atmosphere there was all too wrong for just a couple of beers and I’d resolve weakened at the smell of newly chopped lemons and the sound of ice on glass. I’ve ordered a pint of graduate instead, because I have a raging thirst, and a whiskey chaser because the my armani’s sweater wasn’t thick enough and my aimless walk of cold and loneliness left me chilled.
After a couple of sips, I started to notice the people around me. There’s couple of couples smile, giggle and pout for silly reasons. In the mist of all this fairy tale’s love, at the very dark corner table caught my attention. On his table, seating a brandy glass, and an only half full bottle of Jack’s. Nursing his drink and thought, he sat alone having puffs of black menthols.
In his eyes, there’s no revelation. He had felt no imperative for love. But there was no denying that every soul yearns for it. Crave for something he had not possessed before for a very long time: a kind of emotion, such a stranger than yet vital.
As he finish the remaining of his glass with no signs of friendship, no suggestions of faith, he close his eyes and let he’s body shut itself down and he let he’s mind wander. It wanders to a familiar place. A place he never want to talked about a place he never want to acknowledge exist. A place where there is only him. A place that he hate. He is alone. Alone here. Alone in the world. Alone in his heart. Alone in his mind. Alone everywhere. Alone all the time. Alone as long as he can remember. Alone with family. Alone with friends. Alone in a room full of people. Alone when he wake, alone through all awful day.
He always hated the feeling of loneliness. He had tried many times, tried to kill his loneliness with a girl or a woman, but they wasn’t her. They would be together and be close to each other, but no matter how close they were, he still felt alone. Those girls felt that loneliness and it made them want to get closer. When they tried, he either ran or did something to destroy what they felt for each other. He can run fast when he want to run fast, he’d been good at destroying things. Not one of them would be wiling to speak to him today.
As marvin gaye is played at background, I approached that man.
What are you having?
Oh! Uhm… I….
He saw to his surprise the bottle of Jack’s was almost gone and he surprise himself more by letting me buy a pint of what I’m having for him.
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