Live A Life Like There's No Tomorrow

zao yi dian shui

2011-11-30T21:12:00.001+08:00

words better left unspoken

2011-11-30T20:40:00.001+08:00

Fuck life.

2011-11-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

人为设么要吃东西呢？

goodbyes..

2011-11-18T18:43:00.001+08:00

我真的不喜欢这样的感觉。。

Unwritten Letter

2011-11-15T21:40:00.010+08:00

Dear Chloe,

Surprise that I finally review your name here huh? Even to my surprise i'd decided to call you that. I'd been struggling how do I address you. Do you know that it's says alot about a relationship the way one address the other? I was going for jia hui, or 佳慧 which defines a more intimate feel? And again, I remember Quae Carcajou's story. Every night, he looks up in the sky see the moon, crying out her name, but she could not hear him again. No matter what I call you, no matter how do I address you, you could not hear me anymore.

You were wearing a grey sweater, holding a white bag pushing your luggage through the arrival terminal. He embrace you with open arms. And you hug him. You told him you were tired. He held on to your bag and help you with your luggage. In the mist of all that, when no one was looking, you smiled. You were happy. That is how I picture how I saw you from the far corner table in Chang Gi airport's starbucks nurturing a cup of vanilla latte. I dont know what I wish to accomplish waiting for that to happen for 4 hours. 4 hours I'd waited. I think all I wanted to see is you being happy. All I wanted to see is him treating the way you deserve. All I wanted to see is you...

I refuse to believe we are over, at lease until today. All this while I hope you weren't that strong, all this while i hope, that you give in and called me. Then again, why would you? This evening, as I jog I saw you. Of all the car passed by, I saw yours and I saw you. You were coming at my direction and you stopped at the traffic light. I turn and run towards you. There's a distance there, but I ran as hard as I could as fast as I could, the light turn green and you left. I continue running, believing nothing is impossible as long as I'd tried my best. In the end you left. You'd really left.

I once told you there's no one on earth could not survive without the existence of the other. I do believe in that. And without a doubt I certainly can live without you. The thing is, I'm not sure I want to. I know you have to but I dont want you to chose the life you chosen. I dont want you to chose a life without me. But I guess, if I love you, I should let you move on....

With Love,

Daniel

His Answer ! ! ! !

2011-10-30T15:58:00.002+08:00

I know because of my past, it's hard for you to believe;

I cant change that.

I don't know what will happen in 10, 20 or 40 years.

I don't know whether I'm capable to give you the life you deserve.

I don't know whether I'm capable to give you the life he can give.

I don't know a lot of things.

But there's 1 thing I know.

I love you.

And I'm going to keep doing that, day in day out for the rest of my life.

So, please.... please call me...

So I could tell you all of this... please....

old habit die hard

2011-10-11T08:25:00.000+08:00

sorry for breaking the rules about texting you. I got panic....

a moment of glance

2011-10-10T18:17:00.001+08:00

of cause she know I waited for her. I just hope she know the reason behind that. I do miss her..

Experience

2011-10-10T08:57:00.000+08:00

I'm so used to heartbreaks I categorize myself of being 1 of the senior specialize in this field. Having said all that, as much as I remember it hurts alot the last couple of time, never thought it feels like someone stab you and fucking pull your guts out.

bounce back theory

2011-10-10T08:55:00.000+08:00

the guy who came up with the idea that the time you need to recover from heart break is half of the time you guys are together are just a fucking idiot. Day 4 and i still feel like fuck!

a different monday

2011-10-10T06:17:00.001+08:00

drive safe and eat proper breakfast la!

Oi!

2011-10-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

what time already? still dont want sleep? tomorrow no need work? remember to eat your own breakfast la! proper breakfast with the carbohydrate protein and all.. not just milo!

prayer

2011-10-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

It's been awhile since I'd pray. I'd been a cocky prick that got all the answer. Now, here i stand, I'm weak and lost, as much as I want to be happy, I want her to be happy. No matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.

Amen.

小女人

2011-10-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

Remember how I always says, you're much more stronger than other thinks, you're much more stronger than you thinks? Since your last message, I'm been reading it over and over again now, and then. "this is my last message.." breaks my heart everytime I look at it cause, deep down, I believe, you do really mean it. You're much stronger than I could ever be.

不孝子

2011-10-09T19:54:00.000+08:00

dad, mom, sorry for being harsh, rude and just lashing out that way. You're my parents, you could sense if there's even only a single molecule of sadness in me. Anger is the only expression I found that works to cover it up. I'm sorry. I'm 25. I'm a man of my own, I shouldn't had have you worry...

again

2011-10-09T14:01:00.001+08:00

我又梦见了你。。

stupid things people do when they are in l....

2011-10-09T08:04:00.000+08:00

switch on msn window every 5 minute hoping there's some change in her status
never fulled screen while watching movie, worried her msg pop up and you miss it
turning on msn and facebook and maxing the volume while sleeping
a simple nudge can send you jumping up the bed. Sadly always ended with the all so wrong person msging you and you have to curse that person because it's that difficult to even get some sleep.

遺憾

2011-10-08T19:13:00.000+08:00

Do you know that you cant fly kite alone? well, at lease i cant..

Pain

2011-10-08T07:38:00.000+08:00

The brain acts like a gateway. It register severe pain and blocks out the rest. Maybe if I run fast enough, hard enough, I could break my leg. Maybe.. all the pain I feel will only be from my leg. Maybe...

immature

2011-10-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

I'm 25, I might not know love, but i know pain...

玻璃心

2011-10-05T09:31:00.000+08:00

As tough as I thought I am, there's just a scary little fragile kid inside me..

V day

2011-02-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

Alone on a valentine evening, outside I saw the rain is pouring. Inside I’m slowly dying but the rain had hid my crying. The emptiness in this room is overwhelming. Or is it the really the room? The silence all too loud. With a simple “fuck you! Who took away our rights as singles to have a great time on valentine’s night?” and off I go to the nearest bistro.

All I ever wanted was to flush down a couple of beers and to embrace my emo-ness with some really depressing songs from the 70s. The atmosphere there was all too wrong for just a couple of beers and I’d resolve weakened at the smell of newly chopped lemons and the sound of ice on glass. I’ve ordered a pint of graduate instead, because I have a raging thirst, and a whiskey chaser because the my armani’s sweater wasn’t thick enough and my aimless walk of cold and loneliness left me chilled.

After a couple of sips, I started to notice the people around me. There’s couple of couples smile, giggle and pout for silly reasons. In the mist of all this fairy tale’s love, at the very dark corner table caught my attention. On his table, seating a brandy glass, and an only half full bottle of Jack’s. Nursing his drink and thought, he sat alone having puffs of black menthols.

In his eyes, there’s no revelation. He had felt no imperative for love. But there was no denying that every soul yearns for it. Crave for something he had not possessed before for a very long time: a kind of emotion, such a stranger than yet vital.

As he finish the remaining of his glass with no signs of friendship, no suggestions of faith, he close his eyes and let he’s body shut itself down and he let he’s mind wander. It wanders to a familiar place. A place he never want to talked about a place he never want to acknowledge exist. A place where there is only him. A place that he hate. He is alone. Alone here. Alone in the world. Alone in his heart. Alone in his mind. Alone everywhere. Alone all the time. Alone as long as he can remember. Alone with family. Alone with friends. Alone in a room full of people. Alone when he wake, alone through all awful day.

He always hated the feeling of loneliness. He had tried many times, tried to kill his loneliness with a girl or a woman, but they wasn’t her. They would be together and be close to each other, but no matter how close they were, he still felt alone. Those girls felt that loneliness and it made them want to get closer. When they tried, he either ran or did something to destroy what they felt for each other. He can run fast when he want to run fast, he’d been good at destroying things. Not one of them would be wiling to speak to him today.

As marvin gaye is played at background, I approached that man.

What are you having?

Oh! Uhm… I….

He saw to his surprise the bottle of Jack’s was almost gone and he surprise himself more by letting me buy a pint of what I’m having for him.

If it's not just a picture in my dreams

2010-04-18T22:42:00.001+08:00

If only dreams and reality can meet,
Your life and mine would be completely,
Free from past worries and woes,
No more hurting and unforgiving sorrows.

And you could accept me as I am,
And share whom you really are,
We would walk joyously through this land,
Basking in the beauty that the eyes see far.

I'd not be lacked from the loss of Love,
I'd believe in the Lord within you and above,
And You wouldn't have to hide the true you,
You'd embrace her for the world to see.

But our reality is not a dream,
And life is as it seems,
You do not share this dream of mine,
I'll try to dischard it in time.

For all we have in life is this moment,
Not to be wasted on dreams kept unspoken,
So I'll find contentment within this reality,
So long as you remain within it with me.

However you are, my love for you would not stay,
However you'd walk awaty, I'll always remain.

If I could take pictures in my dream

2010-04-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

If I could take pictures in my dreams,

I'll show you me in the middle of the Sahara desert,

Sipping my lemonade and licking my vanilla ice-cream,
And floating down the sandhills with skis made of rubberbands,

If I could take picture in my dreams,
I'll show you my garden of orange apples and sky-blue grapes,

I'll stroll you through my crystal clear streams,

Where fishes bathe amongst swimming apes,

If I could take a pictures in my dreams,
I'll show you skyscarper flowers connected by rainbow,
Providing shade from the overwhlming gleam,
of the Moon and the Sun who take turns to glow,

If I could take pictures in my dreams,
I'll show you a poor man eating a hearty meal,
A life without crime, A world without sins,
You'd never want me to wake, you'll want me to dream forever.

But of all my dreams, if there's only just one picture,
I'll show you my life with her and her alone.......

Do not be sad it had ended, be grateful it did happen

2010-04-11T18:01:00.000+08:00

“It’s wrong for me to fall for you, knowing this will hurt us both, knowing who you are, knowing who I am.”

There comes a time in a person’s life when matters so confidently sure not to happen suddenly become sources of great regrets. They call it decorated bullshit, based entirely on selfish motives and opportunistic pretense. As shallow as I seem to be, I just consider it as simple as “love”. Ideologist, philologist, poet, song writer had spend their whole life describing love but not one can fully express the true meaning of Love. Love could never be understood by explanation, it could only be understand through experience.

Man either spend their time dreaming (hoping) or spend their time complaining.
Man always forgets to be grateful for what they had and what they have. Owh, my dear friend, you are happy once when you’re together, isn’t it something worth to be grateful for? Isn’t something worth remembering?

Life’s a bitch, shit always happen. We’ll always lose something along the way, and friends always do comfort us telling us it happen for our betterment. You’ll find someone better, you’re find some beg nicer. When one door closes, the other will open. It’s right to dream, to hope, but never forget to be thankful for what you still have. Never forget to look at the bigger picture. Life is not about what window or door will open or close, it’s about you still have a house to live in where windows and doors are just a small part of your house . You still have family who love you unconditionally, and friends that will rescue you in the time of distress. You still have your identity card, ATM card which allowed you to buy a different beg.

“Half a cup full? Half a cup empty?”

You still have water to drink for fuck sake!

Be grateful always, stop feeling sorry for what had happen, or dream of what could have happen. Start living what is happening.Recognize your blessings and be grateful. Peace nigga!

-niel

The true meaning of Loneliness

2010-03-17T12:02:00.000+08:00

Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more empty that they are gone...

The dark pathway leads to my destiny, where shadows dance in lights symphony. My loneliness claustrophobic, the silence too loud...

Across the room, I saw my own reflection. I looked away once and flinched. I was used to this feeling. I felt lonely.

I wasn't always alone, with bundle of friends whom I trust to enjoy my company. Never did I once spend a festival alone but when the days ends to welcome the silence night, there I was, alone still, alone always.

Friends always joke about me not being attached, question my ambition and my ability. I do ask those question myself always. Always did answer with a joke or a smile displaying "I dont mind". Masks are only good if you are a clown, or if it’s a Halloween party. Otherwise, masks help you slack and drift off from your identity. I hated the feel of a mask on my face. I wore a mask most of the time.

To me, loneliness is not about going to gatherings or family meetings where awk question being ask of being single. Loneliness is not spending a time alone on some lovely festist season. Loneliness is not about not being able to find someone to accompany you to catch a movie or have a bite. Loneliness is not being here typing some ridiculas notes at this silent moment, this silent night. Loneliness is infact not able to share this silent moment to someonelse. It's where you're emotional disturb, it's where you find that even your closest among friends do not understand you. It's where the moment I think of you and misses you the most... Boy I'm lonely.

“Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate”-Gerrmaine Greer quotes

=)

2010-02-06T18:27:00.000+08:00

我终于死了心。。=）

The Prefect First Date

2010-01-14T14:07:00.000+08:00

It was 5th of May 2009, she had ask me to wear a white shirt. It was her favourite colour, among many other things favoured. I picked my best white shirt. My only white shirt. I tried to pressed it to perfection, creased at the right places, elegant and I must say.. I look pretty darn good. I had to look at my best, it would make her day.

She had stolen my heart since the first time I saw her. I didn't know her for long but how can love be calculated by just the cumulative days we known each other. This was a feeling eternal. Love that exist in forms indescribable. In just 13 days, she has filled me with so much emotions. And this day was so important. It was "our special day," as I would very much like say it.

I was feeling nervous. I had done this many times, but it was a whole new level with her. While getting dressed, I prepared a list of mp3 song to be played during our journey in the car. I always wanted to be prepared. Music heals souls and it too removes awkward silence. I wasn't much of a talker. I was shy. I am shy.

As I were driving to pick her up, music's playing can't help falling in love with you by the king himself. It was unethical for me to ask her out, at least for the eyes of many. A wise friend once told me, nothing else matters when there's love. I remembered the first time I saw her cherry lips, so confident and perfect, and how she would smile for little things and pout for silly reason. I remembered her joyous laughter when she heard my silly jokes. Her simplicity was infectious, her innocence angelic. I knew then, nothing else matter.

Down her apartment, I took a few moments to regroup myself before calling her. There was always an air of nervousness about this one girl. She seemed to have full control, and I struggled to stay composed. After a few deep breaths, she came down.

And there she was, walking gracefully towards me. Looking more beautiful than ever, she was in her maroon sweatshirt. owh.. maroon... She had done up her hair, and some make-up on the face made her angelic look feel celestial. She smiles at me, and wave slight.

"Hi Kenangan Terindah Man," she grined.

"What are we doing tonight?" She continued..

****************************************************

A flying kiss goodbye from her seals the prefect first date.

As I look down my hand and saw my watch...

2.09 A.M

It was Wednesday.

Christmas, the way I see it...

2010-01-06T11:47:00.000+08:00

She was enchantingly beautiful. Her hair flowed gracefully down to right below, only have a change of heart and curled inward towards her heeps. Skin was muted, refreshingly green with undelying dark nerves. Always wore a hat that symbolise hope and remind us there's always something above us. Proudly standing 6 feet tall symmetrically, dress with classical bells, coated with colourful fur, and upholding the memories of my childhood, Kayden- My christmas tree was what christmas meant to me.

Ask different people and you'll get different answer. "What christmas is?" Ask a child and he'll tell you "endless video game without the nagging". She'll answer you "Presents!!". Ask a student or an employee, "Breaktime, holiday ofcause." Ask a food lover (peiyu), "turkey and lots and lots of food". Ask a lover (zing), a day to celebrate with her precious dear. And then, you ask me. "Chritmas tree".

It was our first christmas together. She came with genki as her companion to my little home a day before christmas eve. I was excited to see her, not sure how she felt. We exchange gift then even before dinner that night. Perhaps we started christmas then. Mine was armani's perfume. A delightful perfume of a kind. A perfume of my kind. Never really did thank her. Was too overwhelm with the feeling of happiness. It was my first perfume. I played it cool. Didn't really express my feeling. Wasn't the gift I feel like rejoicing though, "the thought that counts."

After dinner and some christmas shopping, we head home and started our little project - setting up Kayden. Me and my dad was exhausted after a day work. My dad went to bed early. I was resting too in the begining. My mom, drian and her started emptying Kayden's box and setting her up. Genki helped too. I only came out to help when Kayden was ready for lighting. She complimented me on fixing the light bulb and I jokingly told her it was in fact my major.We laught as if we heard the first joke on earth. When Kayden was finish. We all felt the sence of completeness. She was more happy than I was. Kayden was her first christmas tree thou. That moment was infact the moment I misses the most. That moment was Christmas to me. A feeling of togetherness, my family and her, as if one is different from another.I've been celebrating christmas all my life, this year we celebrate togther I thought I could educate her about this festive season. Surprisingly she's the one who really did taught me the meaning of Christmas. Christmas isn't christmas, til it happen in your heart. It did happen fairy talely in my heart then. There are no combination of words to describe the warmness we had. Perhaps there's one word to express after all... CHRISTMAS

Christmas passed, and so is that feeling. I say things I regret saying. She once told me, we all have to pay for what we said. And the penalty for me saying those word is terminal. For what it worth, I do not meant it. I do not regret once having you in my life, I do not regret bringing you to my family. I as well as my family love you. I was insanely angry because I thought you ignore me the whole day because you're heading to seremban to look for me. I thought wrong. You were deciding to leave me. You decided.

You did not made me hate christmas. You gave the meaning to christmas. You are my christmas. I do miss you my love, my Christmas.

Encrypted

2009-11-25T17:14:00.000+08:00

My love,my heart,my soul,my gift to you;
Your love,your laughter,your happiness,your gift I want from you;

By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed,
Elephant may swim,
Eternal may come,
For ever, or never my love remain unchanged;

Naked I am,
Open I stand,
One and only,
Daniel the lonely,
Life full of sorry,
Entrust with duty,

In promiss to the beauty;

May this cruel world bare witness,
In the name of love,
Stubbornly love I will, to
Someone as special as you.

Yield not to the messege hidden,
Open your eyes only to the initia, to
Understand the secret within.

The Ugly Truth

2009-11-18T11:50:00.001+08:00

Often times he gave advice to friends, to matters ranging from love to live, if they both be not one and the same. He preached love to be decorated bullshit, of human relationships to be based entirely on selfish motives and opportunistic pretense. And from those views, born out of his misguided observations, He attracted a band of blind followers who would nod and agree to the things that he said. He was pronounced wise just because he choose to be different. Wisdom always comes with a price, and in this case, he is infact lonely.

He spoke often time with his mind looking for lateral explanations, and in his wit and lips lived much of his celebrated fakeness and fondness to manipulation and deception. I look at him now and I see a young boy patching up the holes in his life with sands of bad memory and marking it with scars of past, all the while reminding himself, " I am right, I am right!"

But NO! That was not him. His heart does not hate love; It yearns for it. Love is not just a term for a boy and a girl in relationship, it goes far beyond where words with arms outstrethched fail in vain to enfold.

I pray now that he would one day find love. He would one day rediscover its beauty, redefine all its splendour and again once more...

become an ambassador of love.

Different Perspective

2009-10-25T19:35:00.000+08:00

you are nothing to me
and I refuse to think that
I love you
I realise this may be shocking to you but
"You brought nothing but happiness to me".
is a lie and
"I hate you".
If we meet in the street one day, I will tell you
I have my priories straight.
anything in my life
are more important than
you
I tell you this,
once upon a time
I'm crazy about you.
But this will not be true for a very long time.
I'll find someone very soon.
My friend tell me
few months from now, I would forget you.
I do not concede that
I live an empty life without you.
It will be evident that
I am more happy without you.
It is foolish to presume that
there is LOVE.

Now read it backward.

Maturity vs Happiness

2009-10-24T14:44:00.000+08:00

Let me start with giving my personal defination of the word "Maturity".
To me, maturity is nothing more than the measure of endurance of uncertainty. Someone who was the closest person to me once told me that I am infact immature or a better way to say it, childish. His/her assumption was base on the fact that I'm excited over little thing, such as getting a new cellphone. Just as if like a 5 years old boy got a new toy. Question lies,does he/she, does we ever stop and ponder, our disillusioned life is choosen to walk along the side path for contemplation that will only accompany by complication?

Have we chosen to fail to dream for fear that our expectation will shake us in our quest to lead a contented life? (The following sentance is for my dear friend, clay) Have YOU chosen to ignore love for fear that heartbreak will only further drown us in the depths of emotional storms? Have we forgotten to smile instead of faking it? Have we forgotten the dreams that occupied our childhoods? ARE WE BETRAYING OUR DREAMY, AMBITIOUS AND COURAGEOUS 5-YEAR-OLD SELVES?

If we search our soul, there's this 5 years old that we always felt fulfilled. We never saw obstacles, only goals. There were the time when it would rain outside, and all we saw was puddle of water that exhaust our imagination. Never did it occur to us that our mom would probably beat the hell out of us or that we'd catch a horrible cold. We used to have purpose no matter how mundane the routine. We used to have hope no matter how futile the terrain. What happened to that 5-years old? What happen to us?

We have chosen to shine in light on the well-lit road of modern materialism. We have left that 5-years old in the dark groping in thin air because it was easier to leave him behind and follow the herd rather than find his path.

We used to be so happy for all sorts of little things, new movie coming up, new toy,or even just our favourite football team score a goal (liverfool is so going down tomorrow). We used to love that girl for no reason at all. Used to want to see the world, through her eyes. Used to want to tell her we love her no matter what she say in return. We use to text her and tell her we miss her. We used to have that courange. Today we lie amongst the rubbles of broken dreams and hope that amongst the scatter of a turbulent lifestyle we find peace. Love had been define as a luxury where can be fulfilled by pickup girls in clubs where they cant see anything beyond your expensive t-shirt. Our principles have compromised to a lower standard without us ever realizing it.
But hey, we're the pride of the block in an alley of drunks. Us, man had found a substitute for courage, our ego.

Girls seem to have forgotten that love wasnt just another elusive dream, it was reality. Today the lure of the chap's credit cards, his nice jeans, his won't-break-down-anytime-soon car and probably-rich-enough-to-your-liking parents seem to occupy your hunt for the man. Maybe it's growing up,maybe it's maturity. Maybe loser like me who write crap like this will never grow up, maybe loser like me who is immature.

If those are the world's defination of maturity, then I would want to be immature, I would wish to be childish. To stay 5 years old for the rest of my life. Maturity shouldn't be related to happiness. Maturity is how you deal with the problem you face and not what you stop you from smilling.
I would rather die a happy 5 years old than live a sad hundred years old.

We may die tomorrow, Live A Life As There's No Tomorrow.

Who's Daniel Lee?

2009-08-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

Five feet eight, lean, tanned and muscular (obviously an optimist) . Daniel is rather dashing, though this view does not shared by the majority. He is a gradurate trainee in a well known multinational company (with pretty crapy pay). A man of principles, or he would love to think so. Gifted with sarcasm nobody has grudges against. Blessed with parents who love him unconditionally, brothers who give unyeilding support and friends who literally would die for him. However does blessed his life sounds, deep down in the chambers of his heart was a longing for her companionship. This was one aspect of his life that was too embarrassing to reveal yet too desirable to release.

Acknowledgement

2009-08-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

There are some of the you who told me that this blog seems to connect, touches and some how scare you to your lives. I was requested to have mercy on my sarcasticism. My writing may hurt someone.

Like I said in my previous post, this aint going to a place for me to criticise anyone. It is just my true thoughts of my past, my true motivation in the present and my true ambition for the future. For that, I using you to bear witness that I will be nothing but honest, and I will only live my life the way I want it to be, a life that as if there's no tomorrow.

My dearest friend, the outpouring of love has really moved me in a way that there are no combination of word to describe my gratitude. It is most comforting to know there are still a hand full of people who ready to come to my rescue in the time of distress. This is not a time when I'm feeling low, or taking life too serious. This is, in fact the time when i feel most alive, when I'm raring to go, when I taking life by it's damn collar and dragging it where I want to go. Don't console me, congratulate me!

Introduction

2009-08-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

This blog is not going a place where i parade my pain.

Nor it is going to be an offspring of my imagination.

All this while, I have been living in another's story, in characters that I brought to life through imagination and consideration of what other prefer to enjoy. It is time for me to write my own story. The story I want it be read.

This is going to be a happy story about me, my life. A life time journey. A journey of a life that as if there's no tomorrow.

If in anyway that this blog might offend some of readers, I can only say, I'm glad.